1. Buy four weeks worth of tropical fruit and eat only that. Throw in the occasional fish, chicken or wild boar. Unless you want to relive Season 2 when the Dharma food drops started; in that case, you can eat any pre-packaged, long-shelf-life foods you want.
2. Anytime you are approached by someone you don’t know (for example, the door-to-door salesman), knock them out, tie them up and keep them in your closet/pantry/basement and interrogate them until they give up their true identity. Keep asking them if they are “an Other.” Warning: this exercise may result in criminal charges and jail time.
3. Purchase and read A Brief History of Time so you can keep up with Desmond and all of his time-jumping adventures.
4. Stop using people’s names and start calling everyone you meet by a witty, yet sometimes derogatory or stereotypical, nickname a la Sawyer. Warning: this exercise may result in you getting punched in the face, or having to sleep on the couch because you called your spouse “Jumbotron”.
5. Don’t want to bother with thinking up witty nicknames? Then just start calling every one “dude” or “brotha”.
6. Wear the same clothes for the next four weeks, while only periodically washing them in the nearest stream, ocean or by standing in a tropical downpour. Warning: you may also end up sleeping on the couch for this one, for completely different reasons. Stinky!
7. Purchase and listen to every Oasis CD in memory of Charlie. (Oh Charlie, how we still miss you!)
8. Your spouse has misplaced the car keys? No problem; just re-trace their steps like a seasoned tracker a la Kate or Locke. Be sure to verbally explain every step you take (you were sitting in the recliner an hour ago) and explain every clue you find. Finally, suggest you make camp in the living room.
9. Whenever you meet someone, be sure to tell them if they are “on the list” or if they are “one of the good guys.”
10. Take a vacation to Hawaii. (Be sure not to buy your ticket with Oceanic Air.)
11. Read every single article on Lostpedia until your head explodes.
12. Re-watch every episode of the new season that you have saved on your Tivo and scour them for any clues or tidbits you might have missed the first time.
13. Write LOST posts on your blog and chat with fellow Losties about your continuing theories and speculations.
Let’s do #13 right now! :)